Touche, Annimal....Touche

Getting a massage in China is kind of like paying someone to beat the shit out of you. I can’t read Chinese, but I imagine the ‘want ad’ in the classified section of the newspaper reads like this:

 ‘Are you miserable and angry? Do you have pent-up anger from a lazy husband, unappreciative children, or broken dreams? Are you a sadist? If so, come find your life calling at our massage parlor job fair this Saturday! It will be fun!’

John, Lianna, Ann and I went into the foot massage parlor looking for relief. John and Lianna had been walking with us for two days when we finally reached the outskirts of Shaoguan. We were all sore and blistered. I’d never had a foot massage before. This is how it goes:

First they lead you to a peaceful room with a tray of tea and tomatoes, a big TV and comfortable chairs. This is a façade- like getting flowers on your first date with a serial killer. Then they stick your sore, blistered feet into a vat of boiling herbal water. I have a strong suspicion that this ‘herbal water’ is actually the salon’s dirty dishwater that has been heated up and put in a fancy bucket. I keep my suspicion to myself. As your feet are cooking to a slightly pink medium-well in the scalding ‘therapeutic’ water, your own personal sadist starts digging her stone fingers into your tender shoulder

muscles. She doesn’t stop there. She grabs your hands and pulls them behind you like a cop taking a thief into custody, but with more lifting, twerking, and pulling. We tried not to resist arrest for fear of making it worse. The sadist then flips you around, pulls your scorched feet out of the water, and starts squeezing, hitting, pulling, and kneading them with a vengeance. This torment continues while you try to follow the strange Chinese sports on the television, wishing you were one of the athletes playing…. wishing you were anybody else in the world, really.  After 70 minutes, the torture subsides. You put on your shoes, pay your bill, and hobble out to your car, where you can moan and whimper in peace.

As Ann was getting her arms pulled behind her, I couldn’t help but laugh, as her sadist was even more aggressive than mine. It took only a few words from Ann in Chinese for my ‘massage therapist’ to up her game and dig into me even harder, causing me pain that nearly made me jump out of my chair. My sadist looked at Ann and they shared an evil Bond villain-like laugh together. Touché, Annimal. Touché.

John and Lianna found us on the night of the 13^th while we were camping in the mountains. That night we had found the perfect campsite down a village road, on top of a ledge. Our only issue was pushing Annimal’s trailer up the 6-foot ledge. After a few minutes of struggle, we made it. We set up our hammocks and had a rest, then made a dinner of noodles, eggs, and pickles. I made a fire while Ann went to find John and Lianna. Lianna is the saint who helped me sort out my visa issue on Day 3. Her

husband, John, is an American who has lived in China for over a decade. We drank beer and talked with them until it was time for them to go find a hotel and for us to get some rest. I opted to sleep in my hammock that night. Ann thought I was crazy and chose to sleep in the tent. It was a cloudy night with only one bright star shining above us. I checked my hammock knots, nuzzled down into my sleeping bag, and went to sleep with an appreciative heart. 

Having John and Lianna join us was great. They brought their car, which they thought would be an inconvenience, but turned out to be a great help. Each morning they would drive to our destination and take a car or motorcycle back to join us for the walk. When we reached their car at the end of a long day, we would drive to the nearest hotel and then go out to find a good meal. It was a very comfortable way to travel, and we miss them dearly now that they’ve departed (for many reasons, mind you…not just convenience). It was also great to have the company of an American. Having someone around who has a similar background just feels so good. It is nice to talk about American football, food that we miss from home, and our thoughts about China from an outsider’s perspective. As much as I love and appreciate the Chinese people and culture, it has

been difficult for me to experience and accept some of the customs. For example, children relieve

themselves everywhere. It is a socially acceptable act for a child to drop trou and squat on the street.After stepping over many child-made puddles in the city, I have become a bit desensitized. But yesterday, watching a child fertilize a tree with her mother standing over her on the side of a busy street, I was reminded that I’ve landed on a different planet. Needless to say, it was nice to have a fellow American with me for a few days, just to be understood.

There are a lot of really amazing Chinese customs, too! Today is New Year’s Eve in China. We are currently in a city called Shaoguan. Last night a family who volunteer locally at a leper’s village hosted us. The family made us dinner and taught me how to make shui jiao- Chinese dumplings. We ate delicious food until we couldn’t eat another bite, and then talked about the good things that happened in the past year. As we took turns sharing our stories, Liaoge, the patriarch, chomped on the leftover chicken bones, cracking them with his teeth, and then loudly sucking out the marrow. After dinner LiaoGe made us tea and his wife, LiaoSao, sent us home with multiple dabao (to-go) bags filled with food. It was a very nice evening. Tonight another family will host us for a New Year’s Eve dinner and fireworks. It is nice to have a restful break, and I am excited to experience my first Chinese New Year deep in the heart of China.

 Kilometer count to date- 247.4