During the first half of this journey, I was
full of self-doubt and insecurity.
People had asked me if I was crazy so many
times that I began to question myself, too. Am I crazy? Who the hell am I to
walk across China for a bunch of kids?! I’m a 23 year old girl who didn’t speak
a lick of Chinese! Aaaand I came here to be a TENNIS PRO! This is a mixture of my
words and the words of others. When I wasn’t doubting myself I was anxious,
hoping nothing would go wrong to prove the other doubters right. It was
exhausting. But lately, something has shifted in me. Maybe it was the lightning
strike or the red moon or getting over the halfway hump of this walk. (Walk
1100 kilometeres across China? We can do that. How do I know? Because we’ve
already done it once.) Also, I’ve realized that the doubters WERE right! Things
HAVE gone wrong. We have been exhausted, blistered, cold, hungry, sick, I've been sexually assaulted (thankfully it wasn't worse, but assault is assault) and we've been shit out of luck MANY TIMES so far. And you know what? We survived. And we’re
stronger because of those awful moments. Whatever it is that contributed to
this heart shift, I like it. I’ve been
immersing myself in the things that inspire
me- craving inspiration like a salty snack. I’ve watched Shane McConkey ski off
of cliffs over and over this week. In one of his tribute videos, he reads a
letter that he wrote in the 8th grade. The prompt was ‘What would
you do if you only had a month to live?’ 8th grade Shane McConkey
wrote that he’d like to spend his last month skydiving, base jumping, and skiing off of cliffs into
soft powder. As a professional extreme skier, he did all of these things on a
regular basis. Even though Shane McConkey died too young, he lived more life in
39 years than most people do in 90.
If I had a thirty short days to live, I’d
spend them on this walk. I’d crawl to
Tiananmen if I had to…not for the pride
of finishing, but because this adventure has completely captured my heart. I’m
in love with the story we’re creating. There have been so many times in my life
that I’ve wanted to be elsewhere. When I was young(er), I would look up at
passing airplanes in the sky and fantasize about being on one, on my way to
some amazing adventure in a beautiful location. I’m currently on that amazing
adventure in the breathtaking mountains of China. And I don't want to be
anywhere else in the world right now.
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