Saddle Up- Day 3

We are forced to take our first rest day. Last week Ann and I went to the visa office to get everything sorted for my visa before we left. We took in all of my paperwork, but the woman at booth 28 wouldn’t accept it. She was a large woman with a round face that had a skeptical scowl imprinted onto it. When Ann explained what we were asking for (an extension for my visa so I won’t have to leave the country

at the Liang house with our fellow walkers on day 1

every 60 days while we’re walking) she looked at my paperwork, looked at Ann, looked at me for an uncomfortable amount of time, then gave us a firm ‘No’. We left it there anyway, hoping for a miracle. Yesterday they called and said I needed to come back to Zhongshan to fill out more paperwork. So this morning I took a cab ride back to the International Hotel in Zhongshan. I listened to my ipod and tried not to think about the fact that I seemed to be moving backwards instead of forwards. When I got to the hotel I met Lianna, Anne’s friend and a volunteer for Helping Hands. Lianna chauffeured me to the visa office. We walked into the government building, right back to the booth where Ann and I were last week. Lianna and I walked in to see Scowler sitting at the same booth #28 with that same dismal expression on her face. She recognized me. She wasn’t happy to see me. The feeling was mutual. Lianna must have felt it too, because she opted for the next booth. There, we received resistance from a different woman. She and Lianna exchanged rhetoric in until Lianna pulled out her phone and made a call to an official higher up. She handed the phone to the woman behind the counter. The woman listened intently to the man on the other end of the phone for a few minutes. She handed the phone back to Lianna and handed me the paperwork that I needed to fill out. When I finished, she gave us a receipt.

‘You can pick it up before Chinese New Year’ the woman told Lianna in Chinese.

It helps to know people in high places.

Yesterday was a very hard day. I woke up feeling ill. Maybe it was an emotional hangover from the big day on Sunday, when I cried more in a day than I have in the past year. OR maybe it was an actual hangover after the whiskey Ann’s dad kept pouring into my glass after dinner. Either way, I was exhausted. Ann’s family walked with us until lunchtime. It was so nice to look back and see her chatting while she walked with her aunt, uncle, sister, and father. When we finally stopped for lunch I was too nauseous to eat. After lunch we said goodbye and thank you to Ann’s family and kept on. We were four- Brian the American veteran, his wife Qing, Ann and me. The time passed quickly as we walked. Ann

Ann's poor little piggies

limps as she walks because of her blisters. We had a chat about trying to walk in a balanced way even though it’s painful because limping will only cause bigger physical problems down the road. We entered Foshan, and having achieved our walking goal for the day, we took a bus to a place we thought we could camp. After an hour more walking, we found a nice spot to set up our tents near a construction site. Ann and Qing went to find food and water while Brian and I set up camp. I put up the tent quickly, then set up my hammock, climbed in, and fell asleep immediately. I woke up to Brian’s voice.

‘Darrah.....DARRAH! We have to leave’ he said. I looked up to see a woman and a man in a construction hat standing in the middle of our site, shooing us out. The woman was nice enough to show us to a place where she thought we could camp, but it was no good either. Finally, we decided to get a taxi to a hotel. It is a dingy hotel that costs 10 USD/night. The curtains are Hello Kitty themed and you have to stand over

taking a break on day 2

the Chinese toilet and hold the shower head yourself to get clean. But I have never been so thankful for a hard Chinese bed because I can’t remember ever being so tired in my whole life.

Today I finally feel that I have perspective. The past two days were such an exhausting, emotional ride that it was literally all I could do to keep breathing. I often caught myself with a clenched jaw and no air in my lungs. ‘Just keep moving forward’ I told myself. ‘Every step is a step in the right direction. I’ll never have to take that step again’.  Upon leaving, I was struck with realizations and fears that I never saw coming. I realized that I was leaving my safety net once again. Just like when I coaxed myself onto the plane to come to China, I feared the unknown. Even though I logically know that I’m not alone- that people all over the world are cheering for me, thinking of me, and sending me love and encouragement- I felt so very alone as I walked away from the sense of familiarity and family that it took me nine months to build here. It was a wall that I didn’t expect to hit and it almost got the best of me. This

Our first hostel in Shunde

morning I woke up with the perspective I was lacking over the past few days. The support of the people who love me is with me and that love is not disappearing. If anything, it’s growing every day. I feel it. It is absolutely incredible though, how fear can affect us humans. It’s crippling, excruciating, and it can make us doubt ourselves to an extent of letting go of our dreams- the things we want most in this life. Fear took a strong hold on my body, literally making me ill. Your

encouragement and my determination are what made me continue. They put a calm over me that not even fear could break. Those are the ONLY things that kept me going through the exhaustion of yesterday. And, of course, those New Day babies kept me going. I was thinking about Anna and Noelle. Anna was just moved from the upstairs nursery to the big kids room downstairs. She went from being the oldest in a familiar environment to the youngest and smallest in a new, foreign ‘home’. It has been an adjustment for little Anna. Last week Noelle was matched with her forever family, and she’ll be leaving New Day sometime this year. As I learn more about adoption, I’m learning that it is an amazing act of love, and it is also heartbreaking. Stories like Orphan Annie teach us that once a child is adopted there is a happy fairytale ending that follows. But that’s rarely the truth. Look at it from the child’s perspective. The first thing that happened in this tiny little human’s life was abandonment: abandonment at a

watch where you step

hospital, in a trash can, or, if they were lucky, a baby hatch. The next thing these kids experience is an orphanage. For a while or for years the kiddo might have to compete for everything from food to attention. Some children who are adopted will hoard food even in their new home out of habit. It’s not uncommon for orphanage babies to develop flat heads from being laid down and not held for extended periods of time. Let’s not be quick to judge- orphanages are offering a life-saving service to these children, and doing the best they possibly can with the resources they have. One of the main reason I’m doing this walk is to encourage people to give more resources to the people caring for the orphans of the world (but mostly to New Day, because OH MY GOD HAVE YOU SEEN HOW CUTE OUR KIDS ARE?!) The truth is that no amount of resources will ever be enough to prevent the hardships these children will face throughout their lives. Even if/when these kids go to live with a forever family, there is a transition process that is HEARTBREAKING and EXHAUSTING. There is emotional baggage that these children will carry with them for the rest of their lives. There is hope for healing, though. Every ounce of care, support, and love we give to these foster children is like putting cash in their 'emotional bank account' that has been in the red since they were born. The path of healing is a long road ahead that calls for extreme measures of patience, love, kindness, gentleness, and did I mention patience? Adoptive parents that do it right are angels in human form. This brings me back to Noelle. When Noelle goes to live with her new family, it will surely be one of the happiest days of her parents’ lives. And it could possibly be one of the most traumatic days of Noelle’s life, no matter how loving and excited her new family is (because I'm sure they'll be wonderful). On Sunday I walked away from everything that was familiar and comfortable to me and similarly, like any child who is adopted, Noelle will be whisked away from the only life she has ever known and into a new environment (surely a better one, but it will take time for her to learn that). That is a dose of perspective. The main difference is that I chose this path, and I’m more than equipped to adjust to it. It boils down to this; adjustment is HARD, no matter what form it comes in. It can evoke fear from us that we’re not sure we can handle. No human is immune whether you're a two year old child, a 23 year old adventurer, or a hardened cowboy ("Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -JW). Spoiler alert: YOU CAN HANDLE IT. We’re made to handle it, even when it feels uncomfortable. It’s supposed to be uncomfortable; that’s where growth happens. Just like Anna will soon love being downstairs with the big kids, and Noelle will soon feel and trust the love and warmth of her new family, I know I will adjust to life on the road. Sometimes all we can do is remember that we are loved, keep breathing and keep moving in the right direction. And that is enough.

Want to know more about Anna, Noelle, and the kids at New Day South? Click here

KM count to date- 36.5