I Believe I Can Fly....To China.....Tomorrow

I’m going to China tomorrow. I’m going to China tomorrow. I’m going to China tomorrow.

No matter how many times I run this sentence through my brain, I can’t make sense of it because I don’t fully understand what it means. In the literal sense it means that I will get up at 3 am tomorrow, say goodbye to my parents, and get on an airplane to Hong Kong. But that’s not what I’m having trouble digesting. A plan this brilliant begs the question; what will spending a year in China mean for my life? It will probably mean that my outlook will broaden, as it does with each new place we travel. It might be easier to see the world from a different perspective, as the people I will meet there were raised half a world away.  It could mean more confidence and independence as a result of spending a year far away from home. These speculations will probably come true, but it is impossible to fully know how seizing this opportunity will alter my life. That’s the terrifying part. That’s the exciting part.

Getting to this point was not easy. My visa was delayed twice due to the incompetent visa service. I could write a whole paragraph on this subject, but I’ll limit myself to this link to the Yelp! review I wrote on the company. If you’re looking for a laugh, click away> Don't Mess With Polka

After rescheduling my flight twice (for a pretty penny), the visa FINALLY arrived and my parents, my trusty mutt and I hit the road to Albuquerque. Before we left, my dad sat me down for a serious talk. We don’t do these pow-wows often, but when we do, some serious shit is figured out. And I cry. I always cry.

‘Darrah, this is your last chance to back out’ Curtis began. ‘I don’t want you going just because you believe there’s no other option’.

Back-story: Corkie and Curtis (the ‘rents’….my roommates for the past month, since I left Texas) have struggled with my decision to go to China. Back in March, Cork was driving to visit me in Texas with a friend of hers when I first mentioned the idea over speakerphone. Her friend started laughing like I had just made a hilarious joke (all of my jokes are hilarious). But the Corkster knew I wasn’t joking. Since then her and Curt have been pouring over every China-related article, news story, website, Ted Talk, pod cast, telegram, children’s book, carrier pigeon message, graffiti art, horoscope, and psychic reading. (I’m only kidding……they don’t know how to use pod casts). Every negative bit of information had been swimming through their brains and haunting their dreams for weeks.

‘So do you want to back out?’ my dad asked me.

‘Dad, no. I truly don’t’ I answered without hesitation. I went off on a brilliant soliloquy that was too perfect to quote, but the essence was this; it’s a big world with some scary humans walking around in it. I will not fully understand how my parents currently feel until I am a parent myself and my idiot adventurous child decides to run away to Timbuktu for a year. But I do know that my parents raised me in a way that has prepared me for this. They raised me to be smart- to be aware of my surroundings and listen to my gut. And they raised me to be vocal- to speak up if I am uncomfortable or in need of help. They raised me to be personable; if there are any nice, helpful, or kind people within a 50 mile radius, I will find them and they will be my new best friends (whether they like it or not). With these tools I believe that I can avoid most sticky situations, and find myself in some great spots. I promised them that I will be careful. Then I spoke my piece. I told my parents that I needed them to put their fears aside for a minute. See, my soul was craving belief.  Fear had moved in to my heart and set up camp, evicting confidence and mindfulness. The thought of leaving behind everything (and everybody) I know and love in order to travel to a foreign land where I know nothing and nobody terrified me. ‘What if’ questions raced in my brain, but none of them were positive.

‘What if I hate it? What if I’m lonely? What if I’m not good enough? What if I flop?’  ‘What if I accidentally eat a bite of puppy fried rice?’

These questions were incessant and unnerving. Right before this conversation with my parents, I had decided they needed to stop….or at least become positive. The only way to change these thoughts was to start believing in myself. Deep down in my soul lies the belief that I can grow, learn, laugh, love and thrive in China. And beyond that, I can encourage the people I meet in China to do the same. That is a beautiful thought. Sitting in the dining room of the house I grew up in, the morning sun blinded me as I looked across the table at my parents with tears in my eyes (I ALWAYS cry).

‘I believe I can do this and do it well. Do you?’ I asked, already knowing the answer.

Although my mom was also on the verge of tears, her voice didn’t falter with her reply.

‘Of course we do.’

I’m going to China tomorrow.